becoming friends with fear

embracing the intelligence of the nervous system

this week’s personal note is written by temple’s copywriter & moon circle host Rae❤

personal note • freedom, fear & calling myself home

life right now is one big adventure.

for the past few years I’ve been living a nomadic life, bouncing between my family home in england and different european cities.

i love the freedom, spontaneity and sense of wonder this lifestyle inspires in me. 

exploring new places, staying with friends and making new connections.

the promise that at any moment anything can happen. 

it’s a joy and a privilege to live with such spaciousness.

and yet, my mind often derails this optimistic, adventurous spirit.

spiralling me into states of anxiety: where am I going? what am I doing? what’s going to happen next? and the big one – where do i belong?

this has been real in the last weeks. as I’ve been preparing to move again, i’ve found myself caught in a freeze state. looping negative thought patterns. ungrounded and disconnected from life. 

uff, it is not a vibe.

but this time, something is different.

the inner work I’ve been doing is … working(!)

over and over, I notice the signals of fear and disconnection, and i call myself back to the medicine of embodiment, self-intimacy, and inner safety.

acknowledging the parts of me that feel afraid, and showing fierce compassion for my sweet human self.

in this period, temple has truly been a lifeline. the sisterhood, the daily classes, the safety. knowing I can go there to reconnect with myself at any time is a resource I am immensely grateful for.

and the returning, ohh, is oh so sweet.

i am learning that both can exist within me simultaneously–

the wanderlust and longing for a ‘big life’, full of experiences and possibilities, as well as my needs for comfort, familiarity, safety and security.

i am realizing that my nervous system is not my enemy; it is a messenger.

reminding me of the deep intelligence of my body.

guiding me towards re-connection with my highest self.

calling myself home.

picture by isla grossi

wisdom weavings • befriending the body

modern humans might be advanced thinkers, but we are still primal creatures. 

our nervous system is hardwired in the same way today as in primitive times.

although we no longer need to look out for bears or wolves, we are almost always unconsciously preoccupied with our sense of safety. 

neuroscientist and psychologist, Stephen W Powel explores this in his book on polyvagal theory. he explains –

“by processing information from the environment through the senses, the nervous system continually evaluates risk. I have coined the term neuroception to describe how neural circuits distinguish whether situations or people are safe, dangerous, or life-threatening. because of our heritage as a species, neuroception takes place in primitive parts of the brain, without our conscious awareness.”

these unconscious, automatic signals – driven by the sympathetic nervous system – are not there to punish you, they are there to protect you.

as Stephen says: “there is no such thing as a bad response; only adaptive responses”.

when we find ourselves struggling with procrastination, perfectionism, self-doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, or depression, we can take comfort that this is simply an adaptive response – a signal from the body that something feels off.

whether or not the threat is ‘real’, isn’t so important. 

the key is in how we respond.

“once you start approaching your body with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts.” – Bessel A. van der Kolk

on nervous system regulation, we can learn a lot from the animal kingdom.

after a stressful event, animals will shake and tremble. this is called the tremor mechanism, and is a natural way of letting tension and trauma leave the body. Even after play-fighting, dogs will shake and sneeze to release nervous energy.

rather than getting stuck in the stress, they sense the body’s signals and actively reset the nervous system in a physical way.

clever little creatures.

this works on humans too¹ (and is a fundamental teaching we practice inside temple).

after clearing the tension in the physical body, we’re more able to become curious about what it is we’re experiencing from an embodied state.

this opportunity for ‘stillness’ is something Brené Brown teaches as an antidote to anxiety. she says–

“stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. it’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.”

from this place, it becomes possible to pause and reflect: what has caused me to feel unsafe? what is it that I need right now?

this beautiful practice is described by Bessel A. van der Kolk as befriending the body. she writes –

“the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.” 

we can’t expect to not feel afraid or anxious ever again, but with this friendship forged within, we are able to meet life from a place of inner safety, deep trust and sweet receptivity.

remembrance ritual • a radical embrace

honoring body wisdom starts with listening.

we can only hear the wise whispers of our body when we slow down & feel.

this practice will help you ground & tune in.

let this be a moment of acknowledging your innocent nervous system.

let it remind you that all she wants is to keep you safe.

listen to “a radical embrace” for free on the temple meditation app.

[click here to download on iOS & here on android.]

wishing you a beautiful, soft day

xx

Rae & Jess

1. “shaking or trembling, which comes from the limbic brain (the part of the brain that holds emotions), sends a signal that the danger has passed”. read more here.