the Big Softening
notes on living a slow, gentle life
(recommended listening while reading. also just want to share this youtube channel. it’s epic)
hey beauty.
it’s been a while since i wrote here.
in the past months, i’ve committed to a process i call the Big Softening;
a radical commitment to my wellbeing,
an unapologetic prioritizing of rest,
a bone-deep devotion to what brings me joy.
this process of slowing down & moving to a gentle life,
seems to almost be like a collective shift.
the ‘soft life’, ‘cottagecore’, ‘girl-moss’ energy is all over the place.
we’ve arrived in an era where somehow yin is in.
more & more people are done with the unhealthy rhythm of western culture.
people are finding their own pace.
and i’m so here for it.
going at your own pace in a world that always rushes, is a superpower
case kenny
picture by lisa
you might already know,
going at your own pace not easy.
you might find yourself
guilt-ridden,
restless,
even anxious
when you try to ‘rest’.
you’re not alone.
banksy said once:
learn to rest, not to quit.
and i’m not joking when i say that resting is one of the hardest things i ever had to learn.
how insane is that?
the productivity programming runs so deep that we feel guilty when we rest.
now that’s some powerful ideology.
-
yet, as i see now, finding our own pace, is actually the only option.
sooner or later, something will bring us to a halt.
whether by choice or not, we’re brought to - as tara brach calls it so beautifully -
a sacred pause.
a moment or phase, of retreat, rest & restoration.
so rather then being forced to your knees with overwhelm (like me) or burnout symptoms,
what if you start weaving restoration into your days now?
in my process of the Big Softening,
i explored ways to live a more gentle, quiet, slow life.
here are some of the ways that worked for me. maybe they work for you too.
6 ways i started living a slow, gentle life:
slow, meditative walks. smell, look, listen, feel. breathe & move slowly.
pointless art-making. i got a cheapass scrapbook and use it to just draw, doodle, create a collage of random things. zero pressure.
checking my energy-takers. i asked: which people take or give energy? after every person i hung out with i checked “on a scale from 1-10, how energized/inspired do i feel?”. 7 is my minimum. harsh? maybe. but what a relief.
reading books that i actually enjoy. i recently realized i LOVE fantasy. for years i forced myself to read non-fiction, thinking ‘maybe i just don’t like reading’. not true. (anyone here who also loves ‘his dark materials’?) ps: recommendations are welcome!
naps, naps, naps. i never used to be able to nap - i just laid there soaking in anxiety. now, almost daily, i switch off everything, and just become a lazy cat for a while.
that reminds me of a quote i found in my notes recently:
i think we should all be like cats more often; stretch, nap, seek pleasure & have unapologetic boundaries
picture by lisa
finally, & most importantly
guided practices. eventhough i’m a teacher of softening, i need other people’s guidance to soften. i need someone else to be my masculine, so i can fully relax into my feminine. i think we all need & deserve support in softness.
the ways i described mostly speak to my personal life.
in work, i also applied this radical commitment to softness.
as a result,
things are changing inside temple.
from now on, i call it “temple - the school of softness”
and everything inside is devoted to a gentle, soft, slow life.
morning classes to help you create a self-care morning
shorter classes to help you weave it into your life with ease
simpler, gentler practices - focussed on being, not on doing.
ahh,
it feels like a soft exhale.
it doesn’t need to be anything else, but to be just a place to be.
temple-painter olivia pinter made a painting to fit the mood, and i love it so much:
the waitlist is open
if all the above made you feel:
“oh my god i also want to rest”
“i also want to be in my feminine energy”
“i also want to live a gentle, soft life”
then, my love, you’re in luck -
the temple waitlist is now open.
in a few weeks - temple registration opens for new members.
you are invited.
read more & sign up to the waitlist here or click the button below:
whether i see you inside or not,
i want you to know that you deserve a soft life.
you deserve to feel calm, and free, and loved.
don’t let the world convince you otherwise.
go gently dear one. and remember:
be patient when becoming someone you haven’t been before
tanya markul
a big hug
xx
jess & the temple team
ps: any thoughts you wanna share? comment on substack or reply to this email!
His Dark Materials honestly make up the patchwork fabric of my little being. I recommend The Dragon Rider & Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. Thank you for your soft words, they are magic for the heart.