personal note • with tears drying still
how am i supposed to write something about courage, when all i feel right now is fear?
what could i possibly say after i just felt like giving up?
i’m writing to you with a raw heart. i don’t want to hide.
the thoughts above are present in me right now.
i planned to write to you today about courage.
it’s always ironic how subjects i want to teach about, are taught to me again by life.
i normally say, “courage is showing up while embracing all emotions”,
and life said; “let’s see if you can walk the talk”.
so here i am, writing, with tears drying still.
i’m feeling scared. and for the past days, i ignored it.
i kept looking away from it & at screens instead. but i knew it was building.
it always builds & builds,
until it’s big enough to swallow me, and there’s no way but to surrender.
and so that is what happened today.
a truth i know so well, yet so easily forget, is;
there’s no way around emotions. the only way through is through.
no matter how scary or big they seem.
and facing fear, is one of the scariest things i’ve ever done.
it can feel excruciating. like blinking open the eyes to face a demon.
only, i never find a demon.
i always find a child.
a little one, curled up, crying, reaching for my hand.
tears come when i realize what happened; i abandoned her again.
relief comes when instead, i close her in my arms.
“i’m sorry i wasn’t there, my darling. what’s wrong?” i whisper to my heart.
“i’m scared”, she says. “i need a break. can we please just rest?”
“of course.” i respond. and we both exhale.
with every falling tear a piece of me returns. the ice melts. i soften.
and this, is the process, the ‘work’, the commitment. this is the hard part of the path.
but it’s this, the embrace of all feelings, that allows for a full, deeply lived life.
it’s the ‘price’ we pay for joy, beauty, bliss.
we can’t selectively numb ourselves. it’s feeling everything fully, or nothing truly.
and i don’t know about you, but i’d always go for fully.
in this one life we were given, it seems about right.
and so here i am, writing, with tears drying still.
they haven’t stopped flowing-
and i hope they never will.
in this one precious and wild life, i hope to cry all the tears i can;
tears of joy, of love, of pain, of awe.
because it meant i lived a true, deep, full life.
and that is my commitment to myself.
picture by jaimie pratt
may we know our tears as sacred
as liquid proof of our heart’s aliveness.
may we know our feelings as children
and hold and kiss them and say
“i’m so happy you are here.”
learning to face emotions, to hold ourselves & to open to life is a tender process. if you want guidance & support in this unfolding, you’re invited to temple, my school for women’s healing. here we explore all this embodiment, expression, & authentic living.
wisdom weavings • daring to be
to live in your fullness is an act of courage.
to follow your desire, dive into the unknown, and offer the world your gifts.
it’s not always easy to do these things in life.
but as Lucy H Pearce writes, embodying our fullness is the deepest longing of the feminine heart –
“She longs for you to be yourself, in your unique fullness of being.”
who is this ‘she’? you might wonder. Lucy continues –
“She is your power, your Feminine source. Big Mama. The Goddess. The Great Mystery. The web-weaver. The life force. [...] When she calls you will know you’ve been called. Then it is up to you to decide if you will answer.”
when we feel this inner calling – perhaps as a sudden burst of inspiration, or a soft whisper of intuition – this is life guiding us toward our bliss.
it is your highest self, asking you: have courage, dear one, go for it.
“perfection is static, and I am in full progress”
- Anaïs Nin
we can become deterred from answering our inner calling because of difficult emotions like insecurity, fear of failure, or perfectionism.
it’s normal; we all feel these things.
but as Brené Brown writes in her book Daring Greatly –
“when we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof […] we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.”
the world needs your voice, your art, your gifts.
the world needs you to have the courage to respond when your heart sings yes, yes, yes.
the world needs you to, as author Elizabeth Gilbert urges,“be the weirdo who dares to enjoy”
that is not to say you will never fail, question yourself or feel nervous.
in her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert encourages us to relax into our natural fear in pursuit of revealing our ‘inner treasures’. she writes –
“It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too.”
in this way, relaxation also becomes an act of courage.
an act of courage that opens us to receiving the life that we deeply long for;
the one we were born to receive.
then, in the words of the poet Mary Oliver, the only question that remains is –
“what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
if you feel excited about opening to life & awakening this feminine power, you are invited into temple, the online school for women’s healing.
picture by ella iris
remembrance ritual • the art of feeling
in this sacred thread you are invited to practice feeling.
guidance helps a lot here, and i have it ready for you:
in the temple meditation app you’ll find a 5 minute FREE practice called
“the art of feeling”
[click here to download on iOS & here on android.]
another way of practicing feeling, is to journal.
start with the question:
“what is on my heart right now?”
and just start. write from your heart. give it a voice. don’t filter. let it pour out.
you’ll know when it’s done.
finish with a hug, a kiss or another way of saying thank you to your heart.
i want to end today’s sacred thread with this quote:
“courage is not the absence of fear, but the awareness of something more important.”
stephen covey
let this ‘something’ be fully living your precious, wild life. she’s waiting for you.
much love,
jess & temple team